I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
