i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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