Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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