Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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