I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
