and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Buhtt sex?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
