Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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