Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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