nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
