I wannas sexs uuuuu
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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