we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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