I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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