4 words: hood of his car
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have fence marks all over my body
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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