I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
only you would photoshop your dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
