Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
