I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
