What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
