Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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