So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
