i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
