now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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