Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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