3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm always down for nudity.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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