I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
