Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize