Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
