I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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