He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize