im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
