I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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