i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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