first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
