Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
