yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
