He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize