Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
