oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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