If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
