Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
