But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
