barbara walters just said penis...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
