That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
