Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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