Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
