I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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