i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
