He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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