Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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