Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did I show you my penis last night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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