are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
