Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You are a genius and a whore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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