he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
