So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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