I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
