how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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