One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
