Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
