Having a random hookup so left but love u
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
third nipple confirmed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
