Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize