Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
