The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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