Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
