so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
