all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
