going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
