Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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