Can Purell be used as lube?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
