And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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