dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
