Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
