Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
