Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
