woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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