I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
