there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
