Whod you bang
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
