How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm bleeding and have questions
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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